13 Days Til My First Birthday

Posted: February 9, 2014 in Depression and growth
Tags: , , , , ,

3 days later
It’s my birthday in 13 days.

My first birthday.

Actually the truth is I am 51 but it will be a year to the day that my heart stopped for four hours. On purpose.
You see to replace part of a failing heart with titanium, it has to be stationary.
So now as a heart valve recipient I have a new lease on life physically but a massive change came over me emotionally after the operation. I suppose many people who have had a life or death experience feel the same.

The real question is, “Have I reverted back to my old self now that life has gone back to normal?”
Not really.
You see if the trauma is large enough, the impact it makes on you is permanent. Small scars fade, big scars don’t.
The next question is, “Could I have achieved this new level of happiness without the experience?”
Unfortunately not.

Like most people, I read positive thinking books. I quote memorable quotes. I’ve even taught positive thinking.
“The grass is always greener on the other side”
“That which does not kill us makes us stronger”
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”
All resonate with us as we know they are true. Unfortunately it is not until life gives us the proverbial slap in the face that we FEEL they are true. And feeling the truth creates real change. Knowing it isn’t enough.

So where to from now?
My advice is to keep reading and learning. Keep looking for the meaning in life. Research the causes of happiness and suffering.
With this knowledge, you will create change when the time comes. Without the knowledge, any crisis will have to be repeated several times over until you get the message.

Personally, I’d like to learn each lesson once.

It’s much easier that way.

Oh, here’s me 6 months later…
IMG_3898

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